Okay, so theres no such newspaper. But tomorrow is Black Friday and I have a few things I wanna get off my chest to my fellow bargain hunters.
Dear Fellow Bargain Hunters and Black Friday Shoppers,
In six hours the race will be on. We will be pitted against each other, fighting for the best deals available to us, at 'rock bottom prices' during this downward spiraling recession that we're supposedly not in. Be warned, in the past, I have let you all get away with the most grievous of crimes. Yes, I'm talking to YOU, lady in the black suburban, who stole my parking space while drinking her latte and talking on her cell phone, when I had been waiting TEN MINUTES with my blinker on...!
Our battle plan has been strategized. I now have an army of 3 at my command. Beware! If I see the dancing Elmo, and you take it away from me (this time addressing the 60-some odd year old grandma who swiped it out of my hands as I was placing it into my basket last year...), be prepared for the consequences, for they will be dire....I'm also addressing the line cutters, people that hide things the night before under displays AND who argue excessively with the cashier and hold up the rest of the line that currently wraps 3x's around the store....
I am prepared to throw the biggest hissy fit and get 'up in your face' with sentiments that may offend you and your predecessors all the way back to Adam & Eve. In the past, I had opted to take the 'turn the other cheek' or 'karma will get them' approach. No more! This housewife is taking the welcome mat off her front - and should you feel inclined to once again lift your foot and use me as your wiping grounds....be prepared. It's on like Donkey-Kong.
And a word to the wise - the rest of you who will join me in the ranks of getting the best deal. Just because I'm almost 6 feet tall and 60 lbs heavier than when I got married, does not mean I can't move fast. It just means when I sit on you, it's going to be all the more difficult for you to breathe.
Wishing you the best of luck in your shopping endeavors tomorrow, and hoping you had a wonderful Thanksgiving with more than your allotted share of turkey so it'll slow you down....
Liz
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4 comments:
Liz that was so hilarious you crap me up and who knew you were so sassy and feisty I hope no blood was shed while you shopped yesterday. I pity the poor fool who gets in your way!
Hilarious! Hope you got some good deals :)
You need to publish that blog... someone said that they give away $1000.00 for the best blog... check it out... Anyway you gave me and my husband a laugh... It was hilarious... I totally remember what it is like in Oregon.... I told Kelly and said... "Think of how it is here in Idaho Falls and then times it by 10... it's nuts in Oregon"... FUN FUN!! I hope you had fun...
Best. Post. Ever. Seriously, cracked me up and painfully true. And there are a ton of black friday shoppers that need to be put in their place.
I remember being in the Disney store (washington square mall) when I was a kid with my mom around Black Friday/Christmas shopping time and I was just walking along, minding my own business when some lady purposely (my mom saw it) rammed her stroller straight into my legs and sent me flying. I guess she was in a hurry to get to some Disney item and as she passed by us, without any apology, she said it was rude of me to be walking in front of her.
I avoid Black Friday like the plague.
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