Trials

What a week.

It's not even Friday - or even close to the end of the week....But its been so draining. Unbelievably so.... Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Every "ally" I can think of.

I've had to make some really, really tough decisions that affect my life and have the trickle effect. And now I've been second guessing the choices that I made. Were they the right ones? Should I have really made that decision? etc., etc., etc.

I turned to the scriptures for comfort of some kind...any kind. And I just had to laugh.

{And inject here....Heavenly Father has a warped sense of humor!! The scripture verses that I keep getting 'directed' too and turning to over and over again....well, see for yourself...}

Doctrine & Covenants Section 122.

Know where I'm going with this?

Basically the whole section is good...but verse 7-9 are the kick in the pants for me.

"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thy enemy; if the heavens gather blackness; and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou my (daughter), that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

I think its becoming more and more like the theme song to my life. (I have to laugh here; otherwise I'd burst into tears.)

And though I keep wondering, I can't deny that the spirit has quietly whispered more than once "You made the right choice." But it hasn't made the consequences of my actions any easier to deal with.

I'm don't want to admit it...but I've cried. I've hit my knees in prayer. I've sat and thought about the alternatives - if I'd not made my choice....? But I'll drive myself crazy going over the "what if's"...so I'm not going there...

Then I had another scripture 'pop' into my head....and I remember the scripture John 14:27.

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

I wish I could remember this always. But I seem to have a short in my memory - that I can't seem to "hold" onto this peace - I get so caught up in the worry. (Thanks, Dad...that wasn't something I'd wanted to inherit from you...)

But I'm going to be better about it. :)

And I'm going to keep acting when the spirit tells me to do so. Even when it makes life hard.

And as I was thinking about it all...I remembered one of my favorite poems by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.


Does It Pay
If one poor burdened toiler o'er lifes road,
Who meets us by the way,
Goes on less conscious of his galling load,
Then life, indeed, does pay.

If we can show one troubled heart the gain,
That lies alway in loss,
Why, then, we too, are paid for all the pain,
Of bearing life's hard cross.

If some despondent soul to hope is stirred,
Some sad lip to made smile,
By any act of ours or word,
Then, life as been worth while.

**
Now all I need to do is make this into wallpaper and plaster it all over the walls...so I remember. ;)