Full Plate...

My plate is really full. 

(Okay...literally maybe not (well...yesterday, yes) but figuratively mainly).  Just this week, I'm feeling a bit claustrophobic...just from everything that I've GOT TO get done or just trying to deal with the things I can't get out of my mind...!

* Taking 13 credits is a bit trying at time.  Trying to strike a balance between Mom/Wife, school, job, church, family and the other things that are required...is a bit exhausting at times.  I currently am sitting on 3 (1/2 hour) videos I have to watch, 1 test I have to take online, 1 mid-term to take tomorrow (Math), three homework assignments to turn in tomorrow before the math test, 1 chapter of philosophy to read (3 more videos too), 1 chapter of writing/textbook to read, and the final draft on my "argumentative" essay (UGH)...that I can't sit down and focus on...because everytime I do...World War MCMXCMV (1,995) breaks out between my boys!

* Matt's started going to counseling....my sweet son is having the hardest time trying to get his anxieties under control.  We've tried a lot of things....but I'm interested to see if the counselor has any new techniques to help him cope.  It would be nice to not have visitors in bed with Stann and I every night. 

* Also from the same counseling session - found out Matt carries slight physical characteristics of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.  I knew both boys had been exposed in utero and Matt even more so from the brief time he was with his birthmother...but it was like a physical blow!  I worry all the time....(borrowing trouble Stann calls it) about:  how Matt will do in Kindergarten?  Will he be able to curb his impulsivity?  Will he make friends?  How can any more be added to his plate?!  It seems at times that the level of opposition that my boys will face in school and socially - is staggering! And people are not kind!  So...I worry.  I am encouraged...it sounds as if this counselor knows what she's talking about...and I just hope and pray that everything will work out.  That the now scheduled trips to the neurologist and occupational therapist...will all pay out - and level the playing field for Matt.  And Josh.  Once we get Matt established....then we plan on getting Josh into these sessions as well.  It can only lead to happy, well-adjusted children, I think. :)


* This past birthday...from a couple of weeks ago...is getting to me.  It's not fun to wake up and realize that you can't escape middle-age!  "35" leaves a bad taste in my mouth!!!  Especially when I'm sensitive about my age - and keep hearing that I'm getting decrepit - AND! - I'm finding my body is not responding as it once did! :/

* I'm so stressing about our housing situation!  I'm totally borrowing trouble in this one.  The job hasn't been officially offered to Stann.  It requires a lot of time away from the family.  Its a physical burden, too.  And until things are ironed out, offers on the table...there's not much we can do to move forward.  On top of that, David returns from his mission in August.  While we're not being asked to leave, we are mindful, that the house is small and adding one more person is a sacrifice on everyones part - and we are anxious to move forward into our next phase.  Kinda chompin' on the bit for some answers....

* My laptop has been HACKED somehow...and I get the strangest stuff on here!  Its due for a wipe of some kind from Curt...though...how do I do that when I'm on it like, everyday?!

* I'm tired of wonky-family relations.  I don't "tip-toe" well.  Biting my tongue...not fun.  I'm tired of the melodramas.  I especially hate going to family functions, and ending on a sour note - aka...blowing up at my sister because she can't seem to keep her OPINIONS to herself, or accept any responsibility on her part for feelings of ill-will on the part of my sisters-in-law.  I feel for those two girls!  It's hard enough to have in-laws...its even harder when you're an in-law coming into a predominantly estrogen-ruled family - and some of the in-laws have such overbearing personalities...that they tend to impose their wills and opinions on others.  Sometimes you bite your tongue.  Yesterday I couldn't.  If it had been about me, I think I'd've had an easier time.  But standing by while someone else is being attacked unnecessarily?  NOT MY THING.  I'm not upset that I did it.  I'm upset that I had to do it in the first place.  Especially when said sister is almost 33 and should be mature enough to figure it out by now....

* I hate secrets.  Don't like 'em.  I have a hard time "keeping" them.  I've found, that I do best when ignorant of the situation.  You can't treat people any different - if you don't know their secrets!  I don't like gossip either.  I don't like shifting blame.  Its hard enough to re-build trust when little things happen.  And like I said above....(though it's a maturity thing)...I have a hard time when not everybody accepts their portion of the "blame" or part of wrong-doing or whatever. And though I sound like my 4 year old son...it's not fair! :P

* So hard to keep up with the chores my family needs done!  Delegation...where are you and why aren't you viable for another three years?! 

* I'm still trying to find time to "hit" the gym.  There's little to no "me" time, which is kinda starting to take a toll.  I've bought book #4 in the City of Ashes/Bones series by Cassandra Clare...and still haven't read it.  I can't - though I wish I weren't grown up enough to realize that! ;P

I'm still just trying to strike a balance - like everyone else.  I know I have all the "tools" to cope and find this "balance" that I seek....its just...some days (like today) are harder than others!!  I'm totally looking forward to reading this again (like, say, five years from now....) and LAUGHING. 

In the mean time, I think I'll go clean my bathroom, or maybe go grocery shopping.  I might be able to get things done tonight...when children and husbands are asleep in bed!